Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
