I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
