I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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