it hurts more in the daytime
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
