smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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