Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
