I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I wear drunk well.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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