but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
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Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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