You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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