every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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