you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it glows. i had to have it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
