to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
