Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
