Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
