I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
