I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
