There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
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there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
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Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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