my vag is so smooth its legendary
im about as happy as oj after his trial
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
