the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
