He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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