oh god the rape fog is back!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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