Having a random hookup so left but love u
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
