K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
