He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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