Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.