"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time