Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea