I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Randomize
