WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
