i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
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with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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