My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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