I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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