I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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