my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so let's talk penis.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
