I think I died a long time ago.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize