I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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