Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize