you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize