My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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