You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize