I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
