We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
