I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
