I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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