I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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