Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
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2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
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I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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