I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
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He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
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Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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