That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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