Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
