Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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