All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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