We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
